EgoNovember 8, 2012 at 5:59 am

Ego of the Week: The Men of BMOC

The virile dudes of Big Man on Campus, AXO's annual philanthropy competition, weigh in on guac, Gabby Douglas and everything in between.

Street: If you were in any sorority on campus, which would it be and why?
Nick Johnson: I’d say Theta. I love rocking the skinny jeans, and those boots that tie up a little bit, too. I could see myself in those.
Laurence Coman: I’d say Tri Delt, ’cause I’ve always wanted to be WASP–y.
Brian Powers: I wanna be in Theta because they’re such a great sisterhood! Everyone gets along.
Derek Osei–Bonsu: I’m from Jersey, so I guess I have to go APhi.
Kevin McNulty: I guess I’ll say AXO, because I’m very good but I’m not at the top level.
PJ Hobson: I think I’m gonna start taking stabs here. What sorority would I be in? I’d be in Kappa Sig, ’cause they’re the most harmless girls on campus.

Street: Describe yourself in three words.
Tommy Yin: Huntsman second floor.
John Beasley: Awkward dance moves.
NJ: The total package.
BP: Big Man Campus.
Mike Steltenkamp: I Am Legend…?
Jordan Fox: I love guacamole. Can I do that?
LC: Could you change that to just “I love guac”?
JF: No. Guacamole. I take it seriously. It has texture, you know?

Street: Who’s your toughest competition and why?
JF: Myself, because I’m totally out of shape. That’s not funny, though. Just kind of sad.
TY: Brian Powers, because his last name says it all.
BP: Tommy Yin, because when I went to put in the “Mulan” soundtrack, it was taken.
TY: I have rights over anything related to the Asian theme.

Street: There are two types of people at Penn…
JF: Jewish and non–Jewish.
JB: People who got in on their own, and people who got in through sports.
BP: Ugly people and whoever’s judging BMOC.
KM: People who will hook up with me, and people who won’t.
BP: Add me to the first group.

Street: Who’s your favorite Disney princess?
PH: The Jonas brothers.
BP: Nala, from “The Lion King.” I had a weird crush on her going way back. My sister got the stuffed animal. And I took it. And I slept with it. Every night. Assume what you will.
NJ: Does Bambi count?
JB: Definitely not the ginger. Which one was that?
MS: The Little Mermaid…?
JB: Kind of fishy smelly though…

Street: Jasmine?
BP: She has oil money.
Street: Mulan?
TY: Too obvious.
Street: Sleeping Beauty?
LC: No! She’s like…passed out and you could take advantage of her! NOT cool.

Street: Define Manhood
BP: The ability to cry.
PH: Standing up when you pee.
NJ: The ability to grow a handlebar moustache.
BP: Sorry, Tommy. Looks like you’re a girl.
DB: Chest hair.

Street: How would you describe your chest hair, in one word?
TY: Nonexistent. Hidden. Hibernating.
JB: Patchy.
NJ: Rug.
JF: Shy.
LC: Hugh Jackman.
BP: Arousing. I’m actually getting pretty turned on right now.

Street: What do you guys look for in a girl?
BP: Size.
JB: Olympic athlete, gold–medal–winning children. So Gabby Douglas.
PH: Pearl earrings, a wholesome smile and childbearing hips.
KM: A fast metabolism.
MS: STDs. I look for them…?

Street: How would you go about achieving world peace?
LC: Banking.

Street: Who is your alter ego?
PH: Lance Armstrong? Too soon?
BP: Wait, he’s not dead…
DB: Wait, the person has to be dead?
BP: I’d say Rosie O’Donnell.
LC: Wonderwoman.
NJ: Michael Jackson.
JF: George Costanza.

Street: So why are you better than everyone else here?
BP: I mean, look at them. They’re…disgusting. I also did professional ballet in Moscow for 15 years.
DB: I’m genetically predisposed to dancing.
TY: I sport a bright green backpack.
KM: My mom’s gonna freak out if I don’t win this.

Street: If you guys were selected as tributes in the next Hunger Games, how would you survive?
DB: I’ve never seen any of them. I want that in there. I want people to know that.
NJ: Raw physical power.
BP: I would probably just hit on Katniss the whole time, whether that meant my death or not.
KM: I’d probably befriend someone who’s strong, but not that smart. They’d be the easiest to trick.

Street: Did you guys just not read the books and see the movie?
BP: There’s a book?
PJ: The book didn’t have pictures in it, so…

Street: How are you guys preparing for BMOC?
JF: Not eating.
PH: I haven’t had a carb since I was seven.
DB: Two–finger diet.
KM: I wander around the Quad, trying to get a feel for the freshmen girls.
PH: Are we talking about a literal feel, or a figurative feel?
BP: By paying off the judges.
JF: I’ve been hooking up with them.
KM: Well, I’ve been reading a lot. In case they ask me questions.

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