Math Professor: First, there were 35 students in my class. Now there are 13. Most have dropped, but the Chinese remain.
Girl: You put your penis in a taco shell?
Guy: Who hasn’t? All the toppings.
Girl: [sigh] I haven’t pole danced in so long.
Girl: The only people I’ve met at Penn who aren’t Jewish are, like, the athletes.
Sorority girl: If I’m going to have a margarita tonight, you cannot let me scream.