EgoOctober 30, 2012 at 8:48 pm

How to Make an Impression this Halloween

Drop the cat ears! Step away from the cultural appropriation! We’re all secretly pining for something a little more elaborate than a leotard with a tail, but no one wants a Mean Girls–esque fashion faux pas to ruin their holiday. Never fear, though: no longer must you sacrifice creativity for sex appeal. This Halloweekend, trade in your usual rotation of angel/butterfly/fairy wings for one of these get–ups. Sure, anyone can shamelessly stick “sexy” to their choice of totally–unsexy noun, but we’ve spelled the rest out for you. Happy undressing!

The Current
Sexy Mars Rover. Spend several hours doing research on Google Images; paint cardboard box to sort of resemble Wall–E. Cut out arm and leg holes. Keep cutting out holes.

Sexy Debate Moderator. Wear only a blazer—nobody actually ever sees what’s under the table. Position yourself between two particularly argumentative friends. Purse lips when interrupted.

Sexy Replacement Ref. Wear stripes and a whistle. Blow the whistle at inappropriate times, we think? And, um, red cards, touchdowns, fouls, helmets? Plus, obviously, semi–nudity! Yay, sports!

The Edgy
Sexy Clown. Don full clown costume. Apply full clown makeup. Remove all articles of clothing but one. (Pro tip: shoes count as clothing.)

Sexy Nudist. Get naked. Be confident. You either got it or you don’t.

The Variations on a Classic
Sexy Librarian. Put on your hottest outfit. Then, while your peers are chugging devil juice and rubbing all up on each other’s semi–costumed genitals, spend the night in the stacks, at your own, personal, sexy, sexy Halloween Rosenparty.

Sexy Nerd. Wear your favorite pink or purple unitard. Be sweet—high–fructose–corn–syrup–level sweet. Sexy Harry Potter. Find your costume from the last movie premiere: glasses, scar makeup, the works. Put it on. Then stay in your dorm and eat candy. The next day, when your friends ask, tell them you were wearing your Invisibility Cloak, duhhh!

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