Class President-: I friended the entire Penn 2013 Facebook group before NSO. I have wealthy parents who funded a campaign with a professional videographer.
Theatre: My parents cry themselves to sleep every night because they paid $200,000 in tuition and my future job title is “aspiring actor/part–time waiter.”
Mock Debate: I got cut from every fraternity except the business frat.
Improv Troupe: I’m funny! But I make the occasional race joke, and nobody wants that.
A Cappella: COME SEE OUR SHOW!
PennQuest: I love pooping outside. And talking about pooping. And poop.
Senior Society: I am an elite, elusive and involved leader on campus. JK. I have an older brother who went to Penn.
Sports: This is the only reason I got into an Ivy League school.
Fraternity: I would die for my bros.
Sorority: I wouldn’t say that I’m, like, a typical sorority girl, you know?
President: I started this five–person group during my senior year when I realized that I only had high school activities listed on my resume.
Vice President: I deserved the president’s position, but I wasn’t as popular. I still get to do all the president’s work, though!
Treasurer: I have no idea what I’m doing, but they gave me this position because I’m the only Wharton kid in the club.
Secretary: I didn’t get any other exec position, but I’ve been in this club since freshman year.
Social Chair: I drink a lot.
Philanthropy Chair: My grades suck.
Communications Chair: I can keep all important messages under 140 characters. #skillz
Web Manager: I basically run this ship.