Sorority girl: Hold on, I’m stealing money from my mom.
Girl: He said he’d never love anyone like he loves me. And I said, “You know what? Just cause you said that, I’m gonna marry you and make your life miserable.”
Stoner: One time I tried to make, like, shredded Mexican cheese and Frosted Flakes and yeah… it wasn’t good.
Hipster 1: West Philly is kind of a charming area.
Hipster 2: I wouldn’t use “charming.” More like…“gentrified.”
Guy passing SDT: This frat’s name is EAT. HA. Do you think they did that on purpose?