Ego's guide to your first (or fourth) fall at Penn.
Don’t Leave Home Without:
A map of all the BYO restaurants in Philly, to ensure a welcome back dinner with your sorority pledge class, your Management TA group, your senior society pledge class, your roommates, your friends from freshman year and your a capella group…before you realize that you’re really freakin’ broke.
Red Bull and Adderall. Hello, midterms. Fancy seeing you again.
A black, leather–bound resume carrier to be carted like an extra appendage. Yay OCR!
Black jeggings so that you too can get a 2400 on your SDTs!
A crappy frat jacket — or fracket, if you will. Your liquor blanket will only take you so far.
A flashlight for dark nights when you’re like, “Wait, do I know that person? Should I start waving at them yet?”
Amazon Prime. It’s like a CVS trip in your bed.
Fingerless gloves. They’re edgy, stylish and keep your palms sticky while your fingers freeze.
Salmon pants. Just because the temperature’s dropping doesn’t mean you have to stop looking like an idiot.
A tasteful scarf. Just because.
And Don’t Forget About…
Family Weekend: Strategically compile a list of your most intellectual and least slop–tart–y friends to further reinforce the story you told your parents about how you were billed for that ambulance ride because you so kindly accompanied some poor drunk you found in the Quad on his way to the hospital.
Homecoming: Very subtly start texting your alumni ex–hook–up a week or two before he or she returns for Homecoming. In true Penn form, look forward both to getting laid and the potential job connection that could result from this.
Woodser: Several sororities and fraternities do some version of this flannel fest these days. Start schmoozing now to score an invite. Does anything sound better than getting drunk and hooking up on a pile of cold leaves in the woods?
Halloween: You should probably stop reading this article and start costume shopping now, considering you’ll need four or five get–ups for Halloweekend (one for every night and a couple extra in case of rain/puke/epiphanies about no longer wanting to be a slutty hedgehog).