Your Spring Break Texts

(610): Some lady just traded me beer for my seat on amtrak.

(732): …I may have left my shirt on the floor of your apartment.

(412): Drinking while in the shower is literally the classiest type of drinking I can think of.

(639): Men of old money such as ourselves don’t get crabs, we get lobster.

(818): everyone’s capable of murder. Dog murder.

(434): I’m @ the liq store now…theyre sampling moonshine and totally got me to buy a bottle. It’s disgustingly intriguing
(617): I wish we could have tossed notes to each other over the Berlin wall before they tore it down.
(215): What the fuck are you smoking?

(434): I dont always beg girls to do blow with me…but when I do…its always you…

(818): hopefully I can sleep off some calories.

(609): Jibran Khan believe it’s not butter.

(321): Oh my God, Nutella flavored condoms would combine my two favorite things — Nutella and dicks.

(434): guess who just got subpoenaed