OMG hiiiii! How are you? You look sooo tan! How was Cancun? Oooh scandal! Ew sweetie, you should get that checked out. Looks like herpes, but we’ve been wrong before. Anyway, you’ll never guess what we heard…
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro! Highbrow was told that last year’s Punta Cana threesome has rebranded itself as a Puerto Vallarta foursome. Rumor has it that one of last year’s Theta participants was also in on this year’s action, but the other Theta girl and Theos guys were newbies. But sources tell us that the girls really stole the show — there was more chica on chica than anything else, giving Thetas going downtown a whole new meeting. ¡Ay caramba!
Not to be outdone by Theta sexcapades, we’re told Tridelt girls got wild too. Sources tell us that while two of themaccidentally pepper-sprayed themselves while on a joyride in their chauffer’s car, an SB scandal repeat offender hooked up with a Theos guy, took a shit in his shower, stole his bathing suit bottoms and hightailed it out of there. But she wasn’t the only one getting shitty and stealing stuff in Mexico.
Over at the Oz villa, things were really getting loco. While everyone else was too drunk to notice, one Theos guy snuck off with a fugly Mayan statue from the plush pad. Turns out the piece was worth $15,000 and the rental company fully intended to charge them for it. Gasp! But how did they afford Grey Goose and shady Mexican molly for Aoki? Never fear, dear reader, the Theos thief returned the stolen goods, leaving the boys plenty of money to spend on their super trendy “Where Steve Met Molly” tanks. How can Highbrow get our hands on one?
But we’re not sick of pledging stories just yet. The week before break, we hear Pike sent their freshmen in groups on mini–tasks which included getting hired for a job by the night’s end — one kid hit up Wawa of course — among other things. The award for Most Racist goes to the poor Asian pledge who was made to wear a rice–picking hat and transport people across the 40th Street bridge in a rickshaw. Another guy was told to grab a girl and take her on a date to Kiwi despite the fact that the fro–yo shop was already closed. We hear he pulled it off, but we hope the process was more bribery than breaking and entering. Crime and racism aren’t good looks for them.