Mask and Wig Chairman Alon Gur goes medieval on your ass every weekend in A Reptile Dysfunction.
Street: You guys just went on tour. How was it?
Alon Gur: It was great. It was actually really, really fun. Tours are really hit–or–miss sometimes just because they’re very long periods of time on a bus, but I think we all had a good time this year.
Street: How do you while away the hours?
AG: We have a lot of games that we play. We have people come up and tell a story for as long as they can. We watch old movies, old Mask and Wig shows, that sort of thing.
Street: Who has the best legs in Mask and Wig?
AG: Other than me? I’m going to have to go with Jeff Walton on this one. He’s tall, he’s a marathon runner. Jeff’s legs are shaped like a gazelle’s, which I think is a good thing.
Street: What’s one prediction you have for Penn’s future?
AG: I believe that all universities will cease to exist within the century due to the technological boom.
Street: Wow, that was really serious.
AG: I’m taking this extremely seriously. I don’t know if you are or not, but I plan to send a strong message.
Street: What’s a message you want to send to all Penn students?
AG: Accept the singularity.
Street: What’s your secret talent?
AG: I don’t know how secret it is, but I can beatbox. I don’t know if it’s a talent or a lifestyle. You just say “buckets and cats” over and over without the vowels.
Street: Oh, wow. That just changed my life.
AG: You’re welcome.
Street: Which Disney princess do you identify with and why?
AG: Definitely Belle. You know, the opening scene of Beauty and The Beast. She’s just talking about how much she loves reading, and she can’t handle all the people criticizing her for the one thing she really likes to do. I don’t necessarily feel like I can’t identify with many people, but I like reading, so I guess that counts.
Street: What’s your guilty pleasure?
AG: Oh man. Full Metal Jousting. It’s…well…It’s basically just jousting. It’s like modern day jousting. It’s basically, like, they get a lot of horsemen, like horse trainers…like fake jousters from Medieval Times, and like, former marines and all that crap. And they put them in 80 pounds of steel, give them a big–ass lance, and teach them how to joust, and it’s completely stupid.
Street: How do you think you would do?
AG: Terribly. No, there’s no way I would live. I would just die.
Street: It’s not sharp though, it’s blunt right? The lance?
AG: Yeah, the idea is you get more points if your lance breaks, but you get the most points if you unseat your opponent.
Street: Wow, so you’re an expert.
AG: Let’s just say I’ve seen four episodes.
Street: Give us one tagline, one sentence that’ll make us want to come screaming to see A Reptile Dysfunction.
AG: I’m pretty sure you just said it.