Girl 1: It’s hard being single. Do you think I can Craigslist a snuggle buddy?
Girl 2: Yeah, if you want to get murdered.
Guy to friend: I’ll bursar your order if you give me cash. It’s how I embezzle from my parents.
Girl on Walnut: Excuse me! Sorry, could you take a picture of me with this homeless man?
Woman in Gia: He’s a man of many talents. When people ask me what my husband does, I say “Oh, you know. He’s a philosopher–barista.”