Alpha Phi–ver girl flyering: Can we all just please pretend we’re having fun?
Sweetgreen employee: We ain’t got no more lettuce.
Girl in line: I’m literally going to die.
Beijing fortune cookie: You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth.
Owls douche: WOW THAT IS SO IRONIC.
Guy flyering: Eric! Eric! Hey Eric! Eric!!!
Eric, apparently: What??
Guy: You’re funny.
One girl to another: Can I give you a tour of every place that I’ve cried on campus?