LowbrowNovember 3, 2011 at 6:42 am

Where at Penn is Carmen Sandiego?

Hot diggity, detectives! The infamous Carmen Sandiego is at it again, and this time she’s taken off with the Quaker. She was last spotted walk–o’–shaming outside the Quad after stealing a freshman’s virginity. Now it’s up to you, players, to return our beloved mascot. Using these abysmally–rhymed clues provided by Carmen herself, track down her location. Lowbrow’s here to snap a shot of the lady in red each time you spot her, but knowing how elusive Carmen is, we’re pretty sure you’ll only catch her at the end.

1. No longer just for hipsters, this is where I shop
For a party outfit or another cute crop top.
If I need a last–minute gift for a friend,
This is probably where I’ll end (up).

2. The site of some shootings, it’s not the safest place,
But that’s okay if you are carrying your mace.
I come here whenever a new film is released,
Next to the late Marathon, may she rest in peace.

3. I’ve come down with the karaoke fever
And need a break from good ol’ Kweder.
So I trekked to Sansom for Kegs and Eggs
To kick back brews with the fratty regs.

4. Whenever I’m on Chestnut with a wad of dollar bills,
This is where I come to get my thrills.
With a margarita from Chili’s, I’m ready to go
And see some dimes shake it on the flo’.

5. This is where I get sushi with my girls
And after dinner, everyone hurls.
Because when I eat all those AH–mazing rolls,
I don’t wanna wake up with bigger… rolls.

6. The place where I end every good drunken night,
With a Big Mac, some fries and an order of Sprite.
The service is a’ight and the workers are sassy,
It’s just like BBP, but a little less classy.

Congratulations, detectives! After successfully deciphering all six of Carmen’s clues, you’ve managed to stop the international woman of mystery! But what’s this? She doesn’t have the Quaker? Oh, awkward. Turns out, Penn’s poster boy was just off indulging in his favorite recreational activity, the Quake–and–Bake. Wait, so why did Carmen taunt us? Looks like Penn’s JAPs aren’t the only ones in need of attention.

More from Lowbrow:
Rant of the Week
Top Ten: Things to do as an Alum at Homecoming


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