Toasts & Roasts 9/22

TOASTS
We’re all about freedom of expression; that’s why this week we’d like to toast those on campus who really let their freak flag fly.

Both the Women’s Rugby Team and the PennChants had bizarre initiations this week in rather public places. While the sporty chicks chanted loud, vulgar songs about firm tits and blood in their Beige backyard, the PennChants sang too loudly on their front porch and sprayed champagne on a cop car, which swiftly ended their party. Way to really go for it, guys.

At his date party Friday night, a certain Skulls Junior asserted his right to get wild — by bringing a harem of nine dates. We’re also told he got so smashed that he peed on a homeless man and punched a girl in the face, which prompted his cab driver to attempt a citizen’s arrest. Righteous, dude. Party on.

ROASTS
We live in the information age, so it’s super important that we learn how to share that info properly. That’s why we would like to roast some of this week’s biggest sharing SNAFUs.

ZTA sent out invitations this week to their fall rush event — with the wrong address on them. The girls arrived at what was supposed to be ZTA’s new chapter house, finding instead an AA meeting place. One would hope that rushing there would consist of fewer than 12 steps…

We’ve all lost our phones at some point or another. Attention world: put a lock code on that shit! A senior girl learned that the hard way this past weekend, after nude pictures she took were posted to her own Facebook after she lost her phone at a party. Rough stuff. But to the guilty guy, hopefully one day you will grow a soul. Until then, minus one million karma points.