LowbrowSeptember 29, 2011 at 6:41 am

Ben Franklin’s Sayings, Lost In Translation

While Benjamin Franklin is famous for his clever musings and witty sayings, historians today are beginning to wonder if some of his original messages were muddled when translated from ye olde English to Amurrican. Their findings reveal that one of the 18th century’s greatest minds was dirtier than we thought.

 

Today’s Version

1. “Eat to please thyself, but dress to please others.”

2. “At 20 years of age the will reigns, at 30 the wit, at 40 the judgment.”

3. “Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get leisure.”

4. “Diligence is the mother of good luck.”

5. “The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.”

6. “Do good to your friends to keep them, to your enemies to win them.”

 

7. “Mine is better than ours.”

8. “The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart.”

9. “He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.”

The Original

1. “Eat to please thyself, but perform cunnilingus to please others.”

2. “At 20 years of age the body reigns, at 30 it’s sagging and at 40 time to nipeth and tucketh.”

3. “Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to get laid.”

4. “Diligence is the mother of a good fuck.”

5. “The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself and beware, sweaty underagers can be slippery.”

6. “Do good to your friends to keep them, to your lovers to bed them.”

7. “Mine is bigger than yours.”

8. “The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise woman will earn his heart.”

9. “He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with venereal diseases.”

 
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