TV RecapsJune 7, 2011 at 8:09 am

TV Recap: Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 3 Episode 4

The Real Housewives of New Jersey are back, just in time for Thanksgiving. What better way to kick off the holiday festivities than a trip to the supermarket with Melissa and Joe? Once Melissa proclaims that she needs at least four 12–pound turkeys, I wonder why Thanksgiving isn’t a traditional Italian holiday.

Teresa and Joe discuss the merits of Turkey Day in what looks like a bumpy, rainy car ride. (If Teresa behind the wheel isn’t scary enough, add rain and a cameraman to the equation, and check out the results.) Kathy’s attempts at baking look similarly disastrous; although she assures us that she’s been working on the art since childhood. Clearly, practice doesn’t make perfect in this case.

Teresa and Joe’s voyage ends at some sort of bizarre poultry farm. The only thing more disturbing than the entire ordeal of them picking out and greeting their future dinner is Teresa’s hideous floral coat. Yet another car ride commands the screen, this one with Caroline, her husband, and her daughter, who voices her anxiety over reuniting with her boyfriend’s parents. Thankfully, Vito’s family owns what appears to be the most heavenly Italian deli of all time, which should at least ensure that the food will be good. We also learn that Caroline predicted, upon meeting Vito for the first time six years ago, that he would marry Lauren, so she can add psychic to her extensive list of titles.

An ordinary afternoon at Chris and Albie’s Hoboken apartment turns cringe–worthy with the arrival of Jacqueline’s daughter Ashley, possibly the most pathetic of any Housewives spawn in any franchise. This time, she’s crying about not being able to live in New York during her unpaid internship. Albie and Chris take after their advice-doling mother and talk some sense into the brat, who promptly returns home and does every chore she can to earn some good karma. Small steps…

Teresa and her trusty army of daughters are at work preparing the Giudice Thanksgiving event. Teresa mumbles something about Thanksgiving not being about material things, but Gia doesn’t seem to buy any of it. The scene at the Gorga residence is much livelier, but wouldn’t you expect it to be when one of Melissa’s sisters is wearing a mink apron? Kathy and her dessert store on wheels show up to upstage Melissa, seemingly exactly the effect she wanted. Joe tells his wife to come outside for a surprise, which she predicts is a puppy. Instead, she opens her door to a mechanical bull, because nothing says Thanksgiving like a little bull riding, obviously.

Jacqueline, Caroline and their families converge on Teresa’s house for dinner, complete with a variety of cookies, none of which can match Kathy’s creations. For some unknown reason, Posche maven Kim D. also shows up, but nothing really makes sense in Jersey. Both dinners are disappointingly boring, with talk mostly focusing on Lauren and Joe and Teresa’s played-out feud. The most drama erupts over some nonsensical cookie feud (what’s with these people and cookies?), and Teresa takes the high road for once, by saying that she’s not interested in pursuing the fight any further.

As trashy and unintelligent as Melissa appears to be, she seems like a genuinely good person, who wants nothing more than to have her husband make peace with his sister. Out of all of this silliness, she’s shown an unexpectedly sincere side, which is refreshing to see. Next week, she shows a less refreshing side with her singing voice, and Kathy’s teenage son schools her on the realities of underage drinking. At this point, nothing should be surprising in the upside down world of Franklin Lakes.

Like this recap? Stay tuned for more recaps of your favorite summer shows. Check out RHONJ Season 4 Ep. 2 recap here.

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