EgoApril 21, 2011 at 3:28 am

Shoutout Recovery Center

Shoutouts hurt. Ego helps you feel better.

By 34th Street Magazine

Step One: Stew in Anger
Silent, indignant self–righteousness. Fuck them! You are awesome. Your impressions of Amy Gutmann are hilarious and anyone who tells you otherwise is committing a hate crime.

Step Two: Deflect Blame
Start some vicious rumors about who the Shoutout is really about. There’s no way to prove that it’s referring to you, even if there probably isn’t another member of your specific frat who wore that specific costume and did that specific horrible thing.

Step Three: Learn and Grow
Take it as very public constructive criticism. Now you know not to always raise your hand in class and then, when called on, say, “Oh, I was just stretching.”

Step Four: Be Proud
Own that Shoutout! What some call irredeemable flaws, you see as your signature quirk. At the very least, now you know that your penis is worth talking about, right?

Step Five: Retaliate
Sure, you’ve gotten over it and learned to love your Shoutout. But still, there’s only one thing to do: get revenge. Or, as the French like to call it, “revanche.” Spend next semester writing and rewriting the ultimate Shout–back. Wit is the best revenge.

 
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By Addendum on April 21, 2011 at 3:28 am

There’s a garden variety of shout out types. If you’ve done something that’s self-evidently worthy of a shout out, people already know about it, you’ve dealt with it and submitted a shout in anticipation. You might not consider anything you’ve done worthy. In that case accept your obliviousness to social norms. So it’s sound advice to submit a shout out always.
Optimally read the shout outs while doing cardio. But take it easy if you spot yourself so you can still focus on figuring out if it’s constructive criticism. If you determine it to be, be greatful and use the remainder of the time to figure out ways to incorporate these changes into your life.
Normally you deal with it maturely. You may just sigh before going on with the rest of your day productively, and if you must discuss it, joke about the lame punch line or how typical the remark was.
However, you maybe pathological, in which case, if you can, take the rest of the day off (if you can’t, find a way of treating yourself to keep it off your mind). Have some of your favorite spirit and chew on a couple or few mg of Xanax. Then consider: doing whatever will get your over it as soon as possible without resorting to illegal activity. Most importantly do take care not to jump to conclusions. You must be aware that it is irrational to think you’re special so disregard generic shout outs. This may be difficult if a group you must objectively identify with is demonized; on the other hand, it may not bother you at all for various reasons. 
And then have a good night. Some days are better than others. 

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