9:30 p.m.: Finishing up dinner. Friend asks what we should do tonight. Half jokingly, half I’ve–never–been–more–serious tell her we should commit to a campus bar crawl.
10:16 p.m.: Rally several others to join in on the fun. Bar checklist finalized. Nine stops. Let’s do it.
10:27 p.m.: Enter Mad 4. Try to assess the scene. There are no familiar faces. Order a round of kamikazes. Next step: Blockley.
10:43 p.m.: Enter Blockley. Concert playing. Offered discounted tickets from $23 to $10. All to buy a drink? No thank you. And the band sucks.
10:47 p.m.: Enter Drinker’s. Five more kamikazes. Ponder why we don’t come to Drinker’s more often. No time to reach an answer, we gotta go.
10:54 p.m.: Enter Cav’s. Is this a bar or a family dining establishment? Briefly deliberate the existence of Cav’s before ordering five more kamikazes. Shit’s awkward. Leave Cav’s in a hurry.
11:01 p.m.: Enter Blarney. THERE ARE ONLY MEN HERE! Wait, that’s weird. Gracefully sip 007’s until the sea of testosterone and our time–crunch both necessitate a departure.
11:19 p.m.: Strategically walk through the Radian’s back entrance and emerge at Tap House. Pretend it’s warm outside and roast by the fire sipping cider. Have some difficulties chugging cider. Leave.
11:55 p.m.: Standing in line outside of Mar Bar. Is there a function going on here? Oh, it’s LESBIAN NIGHT. Decide that the $7 cover is worth the not oft–attended Lesbian Night.
12:16 p.m.: Estrogen levels saturated. Leave Mar Bar for Copa.
12:27 p.m.: Barfing West Philadelphians outside make this stop oh so utterly enticing. Enter Copa. Order five Soco Lime shots that questioningly all come in different sized glasses. Break one of the glasses. We’ll see ourselves out, thanks! Head to Smoke’s.
1:02 a.m.: Fuck Smoke’s. We’ve been around the block.
1:04 a.m.: Allegro. Ziti. Pizza. Water.