9:45 a.m.: Stumble into the sorority chapter house with a Bui’s sandwich. Chapter meeting gets postponed. Pass out on the floor with other hungover sisters.
9:48 a.m.: Wake up to the sound of 13 sophomores shouting and jumping around. Ah, the sweet sounds of skit.
9:55 a.m.: Unwrap Bui’s. Greeted with 15 “Ewwwww what smells?! Get that out of here!” Skinny bitches — I should have done boy rush.
10:57 a.m.: Run up the stairs to avoid talking to more than two girls a round. Knock the other girls out of the running and secure last spot.
11 a.m.: First round starts. Yawn continuously until demoted to coat duty. Rush success.
11:16 a.m.: WTF! Coat duty sucks — my hand eye coordination is not up to this.
11:18 a.m.: Demoted even further to greeting duty. My fake smile is much better than my coat hanging abilities.
12:15 p.m.: Back in the chit chat game and some girl is talking my ear off about ball tapping. Is this chick for real?
12:48 p.m.: This six foot tall rush has broccoli in her teeth. Can’t concentrate on what she’s saying. Smiling and nodding is a great tactic.
1:00 p.m.: Lunch break. Free food in the kitchen. Quickly eat five turkey sandwiches and take my second nap.
2:00 p.m.: Another round starts. Repeat running up the stairs and awkward small talk until 6 p.m.
6:30 p.m.: Pick up dinner from Sitar — another smelly meal coming at my sistahs.
7:00 p.m.: Settle into a Huntsman lecture hall. Immediately smell up the room with chicken tikka masala. Some girls look at their salads and then back longingly at my plate.
7:15 p.m.: Discuss first possible sistah. Then the next 375. Sisterhood takes work.
11:45 p.m.: Leave Huntsman bleary eyed. Immediately suck down four beers and fall asleep on the couch.