At Penn we love voting on things, and ranking things and giving things awards. This week Highbrow is excited to toast all the winners!
Congratulations Alpha Phi! We heard you guys won best sorority for the third year in a row at the Greek awards dinner! We guess we’re not surprised though, considering your former president has worked for OFSA for … hmmm, almost three years?
Cheers to Sphinx for finishing your 14 hours of deliberations this weekend, finally choosing the best of the most involved! Who knew that you could suck each other off for that long?
And at Pi Kapp‘s War of the Roses, sororities battled it out for charity and an open bar. Congrats, Tri-Delt! Nothing says philanthropy like a burlesque dance to Chicago‘s Cell Block Tango. We’re relieved you don’t have to resort to nudity and classlessness to stay on top of the sorority food chain.
We all enjoy watching our fellow students do stupid things. But when those things go above and beyond stupid, we decide to roast them. This week Highbrow wags its finger at too-stupid antics.
To celebrate March Madness the Theos pledges created a bracket. Well, that seems boring. Oh wait, not a basketball bracket you say? A bracket of the ‘sluttiest freshman girls at Penn.’ That’s pretty fucking disgusting. Luckily, in retaliation Street is working on our Theos penis size bracket.
What’s the best way to get into a senior society? We don’t know. But we can tell you, it’s not by hooking up with a member of said society at their smoker. A junior Omega tap apparently made out with a senior member in the middle of Blarney last Thursday. Though we’d hope inpromtu PDA would hurt your chances of getting in, good news: she was probably too blackout to remember your name.